Note: The events outlined (being hit after trying to give advice, the trip and subsequent outburst, freak-out over books/relationship advice, the passive-aggressive behavior, and bad spin-doctoring after the fact) actually did happen. The only part of this that hasn’t been confirmed is the reason behind someone suddenly becoming unavailable on GChat. However, they did go from being online/available/talkative to suddenly not, and then started telling others that they were being ‘excluded’.
This shit is why you don’t see many polyamrous people who are publicly “out” to their friends.
Especially polyamorus women. We are shamed for being open and honest about our sexuality, even if we make an effort to act ethically. If we show confidence in ourselves - our bodies and our natures - our actions of friendship, compassion, and companionate love are perceived as being sexually motivated. And by sexually motivated I mean “steal a man” predatory.
Doesn’t it cross anyone’s minds that some poly people may actually like seeing their friends in healthy, stable, happy relationships, whether monogamous or multiple? And that we worry and care when those relationships become rocky and want to give emotional support as needed and ethically allowable?.
I’m really tired of staying quiet on this issue, so I am posting my thoughts and feelings here. Feel free to like it or reblog/share it. I know that I am not the only polyamorous person that has been “caught in the crossfire”, nor am I the first. My hope is that by opening up the topic, we can learn to stand up for ourselves and our reputations.